I tried at first because I thought I could do it
knowing I didn't have the perfect tools, the proper light, the skill
but I really wanted to do it
so I read the book ,saw the videos
measured, sawed the metal and curved it round
soldered it closed
set off the smoke alarm
dropped the fire stained ring in the acid bath
broke a prong in working it
started again
started over
my mind's eye holding the image
a cushion of smoky quartz held tight to a white silver band
I measured again, started over
asked for advice
started over
decided to take a class when June comes
started again
because my mind could not let go
for weeks, struggling, alone
frustrated, hopeful ebullient
dashed, disillusioned
broken as a work-hardened bit of silver wire
tonight, I finally came close to good enough
but pushed for
something closer to perfect
and ruined it all again
and finally, something else let go
like a leaf falling from the tree
it let me go
I gathered the silver snippets,
the dull gleaming crystal
dropped them into a lidded storage pot
with several rings and settings
false starts and whimsical twists
and walked away
free, humming a song
leaving the project undone
thanking all the gods
something let me go
I can breathe
I can start again
knowing I didn't have the perfect tools, the proper light, the skill
but I really wanted to do it
so I read the book ,saw the videos
measured, sawed the metal and curved it round
soldered it closed
set off the smoke alarm
dropped the fire stained ring in the acid bath
broke a prong in working it
started again
started over
my mind's eye holding the image
a cushion of smoky quartz held tight to a white silver band
I measured again, started over
asked for advice
started over
decided to take a class when June comes
started again
because my mind could not let go
for weeks, struggling, alone
frustrated, hopeful ebullient
dashed, disillusioned
broken as a work-hardened bit of silver wire
tonight, I finally came close to good enough
but pushed for
something closer to perfect
and ruined it all again
and finally, something else let go
like a leaf falling from the tree
it let me go
I gathered the silver snippets,
the dull gleaming crystal
dropped them into a lidded storage pot
with several rings and settings
false starts and whimsical twists
and walked away
free, humming a song
leaving the project undone
thanking all the gods
something let me go
I can breathe
I can start again