Soap Catalog Copy for a novelty company in California. The remit was kitschy and fun; the client supplied the soap names and left the rest to me...

Zen
Be one with the bubbles...Suds away selfhood and excess ego with our scented body detergent. Let Zen free you from attachment and worldly desires (for stuff like fast cars and hotties and doughnuts and --oh, never mind) while scrubbing knees and elbows sparkling clean. Shower your way to Nirvana, and remember-- just say "om" to dirt.

12-Step
I admit I am powerless over dirt and grime: my grubbiness has become unmanageable. I have come to believe that 12-Step Body Detergent could restore me to cleanliness. I have made a decision to turn my will and my life over to this delicately-scented but higher-powered soap. 12-Step -- when you really, truly want to stay clean.

Extra Happy Birthday Body Detergent
Scrub your birthday suit with our Extra Happy Birthday Body Detergent, with the power to clean your most delicate hand-washable -- your fabulous body! From the wrinkles on your forehead to the dimples on your thighs, our soft-scented body detergent will leave you smooth as a baby's bottom --  like the day you were born!

Dumbass
Who needs Phi Beta Kappa keys and a Ph.D. in biotech.? Not us! C-Average and proud of it? Have we got the soap for you! Lightly fragranced (that means it smells nice) and powdery soap -- just add water! Dumbass Body Detergent: because we'll take a clean-smelling half-wit over a stinking genius any day.

G.I
Ten-huut! Too many push ups can make a soldier sweaty from head to toe. Don't pull rank-- hit the showers and lather up with G.I., our macho but lightly-scented body detergent. Guaranteed to add strength, making you tough and buff without all those strenuous sit-ups. You may look G.I.-- you may even carry a gun-- but you'll smell like a fresh summer garden.


Therapy
Wounded? Fearful? Ease your anxiety with our soothing, uncomplicated Therapy Body Detergent. Forget your neuroses and the day you saw your parents naked. Therapy helps contain your freaky feelings and twisted thoughts; washes away nightmares and insecurities too! You -- freshly bathed and soapy clean -- now, how does that make you feel?